The Holidays and Depression: For some unknown (at least to me) reason the holiday season intensifies depression, panic, and anxiety.  It is a common thing for those who suffer with depression to experience even more of these symptoms during this time. I know there's the hustle and bustle of family dinners, shopping, and planning, but, that just doesn't seem to be the entire reason. For some strange reason the holidays bring a dark cloud over the person that even he/she can't explain.
As for me, part of me looks forward to the holidays, the kids being home, the dinners and the gifts. However, there's the other side that just has a dark, sad feeling. I ask myself why, but I have never come up with a concrete answer. Oh, I can point to things in my past, but those are always there-they don't just appear during this season. I point to the stressful side of all the events but, no, that's not really it either. Is it the fact that others seem to be enjoying it all so much and my depressive tendencies are screaming that they are NOT enjoying it and WHY can't I?- I don't know.
About the only thing I have to offer are some of the things I have learned to do that helps-it doesn't take it all away but it does allow me to enjoy more than I normally would.
One of the first things with me is planning. I have a major problem with feeling "out of control". If I can't control my circumstances, it brings me feelings of panic and more anxiety. I save a certain amount all year for Christmas gifts and expenses-this takes the load of financial pressure off.
Next, I shop EARLY. The busyness of the stores, the traffic, and the crowds makes me very anxious which leads to more depression.
I plan all my food and meals in advance along with the grocery list that goes along with them. I can't stand trying to think of what I will serve just days ahead.
I do my best to concentrate on what the holidays are about. It's not about me, or the food, the gifts or those who receive them. It's about being truly thankful and celebrating Jesus's birth.
I try with all my might to put bad memories behind me. When they creep in, I will make a conscious effort to say, "NO, that has nothing to do with now". Dwelling on them makes me deeply depressed and over shadows anything good that is happening.
Another thing I try to do is to see the holidays through the eyes of a child. Not, me as a child, but those around me. I soak in their excitement and the wonder in their eyes and look at it through theirs.
Getting plenty of rest in between the business is crucial to me along with quiet time. Without these things the depression grows and the anxiety mounts. Again, that's why planning way ahead helps me-it gives me more of that time.

I am not in anyway minimizing or suggesting that these small things you can do will cure depression. They're simply a few ways that I cope. You may have others-do what works for you. Even though holiday depression is a fight that still has to be fought, we do what we have to do to cope.

Lastly, depression is a condition that we continue fight and have to fight a little harder during the holidays. If that means asking your doctor if an adjustment in medication is in order or if going to counseling a little more often could help. We do what we have to do.

Just know that it's not just you-many many people suffer with this condition. It's real and it's painful. But it will get better and less intense. My heart goes out to all who suffer this time of year. My prayer for each and every one suffering is that they will find the peace of Jesus Christ-the only One who can help carry this burden and the only One who truly understands.

With all love and compassion,
Deb

One of THOSE Days

As always, my motives in publishing this blog is to inform, do away with the stigmas of mental illness, and to be transparent in my own experiences with depression.  I suffer from panic/anxiety disorder, Bi-Polar, PTSD, and depression. Of course all of the above contribute to depression itself.

For me, today is one of Those days. Sometimes, in spite of medications (which by the way, I thank God for everyday) depression and anxiety just seem to override the medications. Whether it be circumstances or just nothing apparent at all, depression slips in like a thief to steal any joy, ambition, or motivation. I did have bad dreams last night and awoke in a funk from the beginning. Often I can "pull out" of it but today it just wasn't happening. Every task has been an effort to push through. Along with that comes guilt for feeling lazy and not getting enough done. Anger with myself is at the forefront along with anger for the causes of the depression.

When I'm "myself", I can reason that these things happen and they do pass, but in the midst of it all I can see is my failure to cope. I know intellectually much about depression but when it hits out of nowhere, my intellect goes by the wayside and I sink into the pit of despair.

This is in no way a "poor me" blog. It is simply me being honest about how depression affects and at times controls ones mind. All my faith is in Jesus Christ, yet this has often been used against me as just "not being right with God", living in the past, or just getting over it and being thankful for all I have. Just to inform those who like to throw those accusations out let me say-you have no idea what you're talking about. Thank God He does! He doesn't condemn me and He knows I have an illness just as one might have diabetes or any other physical ailment. Save your sanctimonious comments for someone with cancer-but oh my!!, that would never happen-that is a "legitimate" disease. Once again, you have no idea what you're talking about.

As a last thought to those who suffer and to myself as well, it will pass. Keep doing what you're doing. Be kind and merciful to yourself. You know you're not lazy-you're just sick today. Tomorrow will probably be better. If it's not better in a few days then I encourage you to contact your doctor-there may need to be some adjustments in medication in order.

With all love and understanding for those who suffer, Deb

Suicide

I tread lightly and cautiously on the subject of suicide. As always I do not claim to be a professional-I can only speak from my own experience and the experiences of others.

Suicide brings up many opinions and misconceptions. For instance:"suicide is one of the most selfish things a person could do". The problem with this line of thinking is this: the person contemplating suicide is obviously not thinking rationally. They are apt to do something that makes perfect sense to them. From my own experiences with this thought is this: I would be doing my family and loved ones a favor in not having to deal with me and my problems anymore". I can remember many times that I had these thoughts. A person with major depression actually feels this way. They feel like a burden and that they bring continual pain to those they love. Hence, my being gone would free them from this continual burden. While this is untrue, it feels very true to the one suffering.

Another mindset of the person contemplating suicide is that they simply can't take anymore. Personally, I have felt that I couldn't stand another minute of the sadness; the anxiety; the deep inner hurt I felt. No one with a healthy mind can understand the day to day fight that a majorly depressed person feels-it is at times unbearable and one becomes absolutely desperate for relief. Suicide promises this relief to the one suffering.

A caution: take seriously the thoughts and actions of a suicidal person. They often give off signs or thoughts that they are contemplating such a drastic measure. Other times, there are no signs at all.

Suicide leaves devastated loved ones in it's aftermath. Guilt, anger, questions all have to be dealt with. I believe what loved ones have to know is that if a person is dead set on committing suicide, there was probably nothing you could have done. Try to look at it from the victims point of view-they usually never intended to hurt anyone. They either were desperate for relief and found this to be the only answer. Again, a suicidal person is not thinking in a rational way.

I thank God that I never acted on my thoughts. I realize what it would have done and the harm it would have caused. But, I do understand the thought process of those who attempt or actually commit the act. My heart goes out to the loved ones left behind. They need help and understanding beyond belief.

Bipolar-One of the Most Misunderstood Mental Illnesses

In my former blogs on depression, I have touched on the subject of Bipolar Disorder. I have stated that while not all suffering from depression have Bipolar,  many do. As I have also stressed that I am in no way an expert on any of these subjects, I do speak from my own experiences.
Bipolar, also known as Manic/Depressive Disorder can be a crippling mental illness. Swings in mood that range from suicidal to manically energetic, and everything in between. The good news is, it is treatable.

Speaking as one who lives with bipolar, I have experienced all of the above.  The depressive side made me feel as though I didn't even belong or deserve to be alive. I felt I was a burden to everyone around me. I suffered great guilt because I had so much to be thankful for in my life yet I was so sad. I felt tremendous guilt over what my wildly swinging moods were doing to those I love. I truly just wanted to lie down and die. This all sounds very grim, but in this state, it is grim. Once again, the good news is, it is treatable.

The other extreme is the manic side. I would feel wonderful energy.I would accomplish more in one day than I often did in a week. This actually feels good for a while-such a relief from the depressive side. However, the "feel good" manic usually works into an exhaustive state where your mind will not "shut off", your thoughts race, and you become so agitated you feel as though you will go crazy if the thoughts don't stop.Once again-treatable.

Once a person seeks treatment, the ideal thing to happen is to reach a balance in between the two conditions above. A balance-not depressed; not manic. Once diagnosed, a person has to be very patient as they adjust to the meds they're put on; as they are tweeked to fit you personally. There is no cookie cutter remedy for every patient. Every person is different and it may take a while to get the right combination for you. But, don't give up hope.

I can't stress enough the importance of getting on a medication. There is no "cure" for bipolar, there is just management. And I don't mean "just" management. It is a wonderful thing to get on the right formula for you and to feel "normal" again. Not that there won't be some ups and downs-there will be. But they are manageable and you know they're going to level out. For instance, I will feel a depressed mood coming on-I used to panic; thought I was going back to the way I was. I have learned to "ride out" these bouts. They usually last for a couple of days to a week; then I swing back into a more level state. The same goes for a manic phase. The difference is, they're not as severe and they do pass. This probably happens to me about once every two or three months. If it lingers and doesn't leave after a week, I'm on the phone to the doctor and sometimes another tweek in the meds is needed.

I realize that this can sound complicated; it really isn't. Get your diagnosis, start your meds, give them time, if you're not getting results then call the doc. It's all about management. I wish I could tell you that you will be totally cured-you won't. It's a lifetime disorder that you will always have to deal with. It can be managed, but not cured. Knowing that empowers you. You know it can be managed. You know that if it's not being managed, then call your doctor and let him do some adjusting of your medication. Become as informed as you can about it-that too empowers you. Not knowing what's going on in your mind can be very scary-understanding it takes away the fear and gives you the tools to deal with it.

Most of the time the doctor will probably advise counseling. I highly recommend this. Find a really good counselor (ask around, make calls to people who are in counseling, and if you have one you don't feel comfortable with, then find a new one) and keep appointments regularly. They can help you deal with the ups and downs of bipolar. They can be reassuring that what you're feeling is real and give  you tools to deal with it.

To sum up, I would want to emphasize most of all, to get treatment. Don't try to fight this on your own. And don't go off of your medication (a mistake often made when one starts to feel a little better)! And most important of all: know that there is hope and there is help. You deserve a happy life in spite of a disorder you may have.

What Can I Do To Help Someone I Care About Who Has Depression??

The answer is: there is nothing you can do about the depression itself. There are things however, that one can do to support and ease some of the pain of depression.

As I have stated before, there are differing degrees of depression. A person with the illness usually goes through most of these if not all. The mild, blue feeling; the feeling of sadness; the deep dark depression that seems unreachable and every stage in between.

What can one do? There are several things:
1. Be supportive. While no one can fully understand what a depressed person is going through, you can just "be there" for them. Tell them that you know you don't fully understand, but it hurts you to see them hurting and that you will be there for them no matter what-then do it.

2. Encourage (not nag) them to get on or stay on their medication. There is a temptation when one is on medication to think it's doing no good, or to not like the initial side effects of some meds. Encourage them that it does seem to be helping some and they probably don't feel it but to give it some time. Keep track of the medication and without a lot of fanfare, check to see if they are indeed taking it. A depressed person will oftentimes hide the fact that they are not taking it.  If they absolutely refuse, there's nothing more to do there-just try to understand. Also, if the person starts to feel a little better, they may think they don't need medication anymore. This is a very common mistake. Once off the meds, one usually goes back to their former state.

3. Pick up the slack! I remember being in the darkest depression and all I wanted to do was stay in a dark room, be left alone, and sleep. Sleep is an escape-if you're asleep, you escape it for a while. Denny (my husband) did what he could to try to keep things going. His cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. may not have been up to my usual standards, but he did it. Another very important thing he did as far as I was concerned was to care for the kids. Our oldest son was already away from home and our daughter was a teen so they didn't need as much care. But, our youngest son was only about 8 and I can't begin to tell you the guilt I felt over not taking care of him the way I wanted to.  Denny eased my mind much about this. He would take him on day trips on a Saturday and do interesting or fun things. He camped out with him on the living room floor and watched movies. Many activities like this made me feel like he wasn't being totally neglected even if I was out of commission. He cooked meals (lots of mac and cheese, and grilled cheese, but at least he did it). He brought me food and encouraged me to eat. And very importantly, he would just sit by me on the bed and tell me about the day or what was going on. Another thing, he would get me out whenever he could. At times getting out doesn't take the depression away but it is somewhat of a distraction and there was an element of relief if only for a while.

4. Cards from those close to you are an encouragement. Sometimes one just doesn't feel like talking but to know you're not closed away with no one thinking about you makes you feel loved and remembered.

5. Food! I know Denny would have appreciated a meal he didn't have to try to cook. My mom did do this pretty often. But, don't feel like you're intruding if you want to fix a meal for a family who is dealing with depression. I suggest calling the non-depressed person in the household and tell them you're going to run something by, even if it's just a plate of cookies. Things like this help support the rest of the family so much and eases the guilt the depressed person feels for not cooking. Of course if the depressed person is a man, the cooking is still a great idea. But things like mowing the lawn, washing his car or truck, running errands, taking care of all those household maintenance jobs that he just can't bring himself to face, help lift some of the burden. Men need to talk too, so just being there and being a friend he can talk to means the world.

6. If you're a very very close friend, come and visit. The depressed person may not even feel like talking-and make sure they know that's ok. You're just there to love them, pray for them, to share in a small way in their suffering.

7. Depending to what degree the depression is, ask them over for lunch or out to lunch. Again, it's no cure but it can relieve some suffering for a while. But don't take offense if they just can't do it-it is going to depend on where they are in their depression.

These are just a very few ways to help. I'll touch on others at a later date. Don't discount anything you can do; it may seem trivial to you but it can mean the world to a person with depression and their family.

My deepest care and compassion for the depressed person and their families,
Deb

He/She Seemed Fine To Me!

One of the great mysteries of depression is confusing to the depressed person themselves. There are times when the suffering person can seemingly "pull out of it" for a period of time. This can be both confusing and frustrating to those who live with them. "If you can do it for a while, why can't you just do it all the time??" This is an understandable question.  My husband learned long time ago that while I was in the midst of depression, I was able to "put on a happy face" for a given period of time.  He also came to understand that that happy face was short lived.

It seems that in the midst of some of the stages of depression that one can be "distracted", able to "fake it", or actually feel a little better for a while. For instance, I can be having a rough time, but if my kids or grandkids come, I perk up and am even somewhat happy for a while. The truth is however, that if they were to stay for an extended period, I would not be able to keep up that facade. It is short lived and exhausting to keep up the fake smile, laugh, or even interest in anything.

To make sure I have not mislead anyone-a depressed person is not always able to do this. Sometimes the depression is so dark and so heavy that facing even one person is unbearable. In this state, no manner of  putting up a good front is even possible. One tends to "hide" during periods like this out of embarrassment
and out of not wanting to make others uncomfortable-for it is impossible to have words to say to make the depressed person feel better.

I guess the bottom line is this: You never know when you're talking to someone or meeting someone, whether they may be suffering from the horrible illness of depression. Just because they seem to be happy, doesn't mean that beneath that seemingly happy personality, there is a hurting, suffering person. Be kind, don't assume their happy face tells the whole story; and when you know a person with this illness, please don't be judgmental and think they could snap out of it if they wanted to. Does anyone think that a person WOULDN'T snap out of it if they could?

Myths About Depression

Throughout my years of battling depression I have come across many myths about depression. Some of these greatly affected my view and treatment of the illness. I'd like to address just a few of these.

1." Depression is something you can overcome." This statement in itself is ludicrous. Who would not do anything possible to overcome their depression if they could. I've tried everything possible in attempt to rid myself of this horrible sickness. You cannot "will" it away-it is much deeper than that.

2. "Depression is a spiritual problem." Oh boy, have I heard that one and even believed it. There are many causes for depression. Heredity, chemical imbalances in the brain, trauma, and the list goes on. While God has certainly said He will never leave us or forsake us, that is not a guarantee of healing. It simply means He will be with us it through it. And while He is certainly able to heal us, there are times that He allows us to walk through trials with Him by our side. 

3," Don't get caught up in that "psycho babble stuff"." Heard that one too. While I'm sure there are incompetent people in the psychiatry, psychology, and counseling areas, the truth is most are reputable and have gone into the field to help people with mental illnesses. Psychiatrists mainly deal with medications. Psychologists work in the field of understanding the causes and effects of mental illnesses. Counselors help a person work through issues and trauma. I have been criticized for seeking help from these professionals. I have been most fortunate in having had two wonderful counselors that I honestly don't know if I'd be here if it weren't for them. It has been a double blessing for me that both were Christians and able to know where I'm coming from. Here I want to emphasize that NEVER ONCE has a counselor suggested or stated or lead me to believe that my problems stem from any given experience. I have NEVER been lead to believe something. In my case, they have been objective competent people who I can talk to and get unbiased, non-judgmental counsel. 

4. "Don't get messed up with all that psychiatric medication stuff". Again I believed that. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to "wean" myself off of my medication-always with dire results. The truth is, some people need medication. In my case it allows me to lead as near normal life as possible. I finally realized the truth that I need these medications and that ok! Sure, I'd love to not have to take them but I have reached the conclusion the hard way that they are necessary for me. I'm done feeling guilty for it and have accepted it. Except for a miracle from the Lord, I will more than likely be on medication for my lifetime. That is not being negative or living in unbelief-it is facing the facts and managing my problems in a way that helps me. No one tells a diabetic, cancer patient, or someone with high blood pressure that it is a spiritual problem. That they should get off all that medication; yet that advice is freely given to those with a mental illness. So, I'm done feeling guilty for it and I emphasize to those who want to guilt me into feeling bad for being on medication-save your breath-you obviously have not experienced what I have. 

5."Go to your pastor for counsel-thats all you really need." I mention this one for the simple fact that this is advice often given. Now don't misunderstand me-pastors are wonderful counsel on certain subjects. Marriage, personal problems, spiritual advice, etc. they're your man and I am thankful for them. However, when it comes to an illness, like any other illness, you need a person trained specifically for your needs. 

These are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to myths on depression. Hopefully in the near future we can address others.

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Thanks once again for reading. I welcome your comments. There have been some problems I've been told in being able to get on and comment. Please read the directions given by Cacey in my former blog on how to get on. Love and happiness, Deb

Don't Give Up Hope

Greetings! My hope as I start this new (to me) project is to shed more light on the subject of depression and to emphasize that it is something we can and not only can, but must deal with. For those of you, like myself, who suffer with depression, I hope our sharing can encourage one another. To those who do not suffer from it or perhaps have a loved one who does, I hope to bring light to the subject and ideas about how to handle it.
 Let me emphasize, I am in no way an expert or professional; I am simply one person out of thousands who suffer with the debilitating disease we call depression. I welcome thoughts, suggestions, and questions-I simply ask that all be done with grace and compassion.
There is really no good place to start with the subject at hand. Simply put, I am bi-polar (not all who have depression are) and I fight an ongoing battle with the ravages of depression. I have good days and even weeks and I have very bad days and weeks. It varies to different degrees-from simply wishing I could die to feeling so disinterested in everything in life to having no motivation for anything.
Depression sucks the joy and enjoyment out of everything in life. It's not a "blue" day or feeling down because something unfortunate has happened. Rather, everything can seemingly be fine in your life. You can have a great marriage, good job, great kids, be financially secure, etc. yet feel that there is no reason to live.
It's a greatly misunderstood subject. Much advice is given such as: "oh I just get real busy when I feel depressed", or "think positively"; there is a multitude of good intentional advice given but these just prove that they really "don't get it".
Hopefully, together we can discuss, explore, and encourage and enlighten one another.
Thanks for reading my first attempt here. I'm looking forward to many more to come!