The answer is: there is nothing you can do about the depression itself. There are things however, that one can do to support and ease some of the pain of depression.
As I have stated before, there are differing degrees of depression. A person with the illness usually goes through most of these if not all. The mild, blue feeling; the feeling of sadness; the deep dark depression that seems unreachable and every stage in between.
What can one do? There are several things:
1. Be supportive. While no one can fully understand what a depressed person is going through, you can just "be there" for them. Tell them that you know you don't fully understand, but it hurts you to see them hurting and that you will be there for them no matter what-then do it.
2. Encourage (not nag) them to get on or stay on their medication. There is a temptation when one is on medication to think it's doing no good, or to not like the initial side effects of some meds. Encourage them that it does seem to be helping some and they probably don't feel it but to give it some time. Keep track of the medication and without a lot of fanfare, check to see if they are indeed taking it. A depressed person will oftentimes hide the fact that they are not taking it. If they absolutely refuse, there's nothing more to do there-just try to understand. Also, if the person starts to feel a little better, they may think they don't need medication anymore. This is a very common mistake. Once off the meds, one usually goes back to their former state.
3. Pick up the slack! I remember being in the darkest depression and all I wanted to do was stay in a dark room, be left alone, and sleep. Sleep is an escape-if you're asleep, you escape it for a while. Denny (my husband) did what he could to try to keep things going. His cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. may not have been up to my usual standards, but he did it. Another very important thing he did as far as I was concerned was to care for the kids. Our oldest son was already away from home and our daughter was a teen so they didn't need as much care. But, our youngest son was only about 8 and I can't begin to tell you the guilt I felt over not taking care of him the way I wanted to. Denny eased my mind much about this. He would take him on day trips on a Saturday and do interesting or fun things. He camped out with him on the living room floor and watched movies. Many activities like this made me feel like he wasn't being totally neglected even if I was out of commission. He cooked meals (lots of mac and cheese, and grilled cheese, but at least he did it). He brought me food and encouraged me to eat. And very importantly, he would just sit by me on the bed and tell me about the day or what was going on. Another thing, he would get me out whenever he could. At times getting out doesn't take the depression away but it is somewhat of a distraction and there was an element of relief if only for a while.
4. Cards from those close to you are an encouragement. Sometimes one just doesn't feel like talking but to know you're not closed away with no one thinking about you makes you feel loved and remembered.
5. Food! I know Denny would have appreciated a meal he didn't have to try to cook. My mom did do this pretty often. But, don't feel like you're intruding if you want to fix a meal for a family who is dealing with depression. I suggest calling the non-depressed person in the household and tell them you're going to run something by, even if it's just a plate of cookies. Things like this help support the rest of the family so much and eases the guilt the depressed person feels for not cooking. Of course if the depressed person is a man, the cooking is still a great idea. But things like mowing the lawn, washing his car or truck, running errands, taking care of all those household maintenance jobs that he just can't bring himself to face, help lift some of the burden. Men need to talk too, so just being there and being a friend he can talk to means the world.
6. If you're a very very close friend, come and visit. The depressed person may not even feel like talking-and make sure they know that's ok. You're just there to love them, pray for them, to share in a small way in their suffering.
7. Depending to what degree the depression is, ask them over for lunch or out to lunch. Again, it's no cure but it can relieve some suffering for a while. But don't take offense if they just can't do it-it is going to depend on where they are in their depression.
These are just a very few ways to help. I'll touch on others at a later date. Don't discount anything you can do; it may seem trivial to you but it can mean the world to a person with depression and their family.
My deepest care and compassion for the depressed person and their families,
Deb
No comments:
Post a Comment