In my former blogs on depression, I have touched on the subject of Bipolar Disorder. I have stated that while not all suffering from depression have Bipolar, many do. As I have also stressed that I am in no way an expert on any of these subjects, I do speak from my own experiences.
Bipolar, also known as Manic/Depressive Disorder can be a crippling mental illness. Swings in mood that range from suicidal to manically energetic, and everything in between. The good news is, it is treatable.
Speaking as one who lives with bipolar, I have experienced all of the above. The depressive side made me feel as though I didn't even belong or deserve to be alive. I felt I was a burden to everyone around me. I suffered great guilt because I had so much to be thankful for in my life yet I was so sad. I felt tremendous guilt over what my wildly swinging moods were doing to those I love. I truly just wanted to lie down and die. This all sounds very grim, but in this state, it is grim. Once again, the good news is, it is treatable.
The other extreme is the manic side. I would feel wonderful energy.I would accomplish more in one day than I often did in a week. This actually feels good for a while-such a relief from the depressive side. However, the "feel good" manic usually works into an exhaustive state where your mind will not "shut off", your thoughts race, and you become so agitated you feel as though you will go crazy if the thoughts don't stop.Once again-treatable.
Once a person seeks treatment, the ideal thing to happen is to reach a balance in between the two conditions above. A balance-not depressed; not manic. Once diagnosed, a person has to be very patient as they adjust to the meds they're put on; as they are tweeked to fit you personally. There is no cookie cutter remedy for every patient. Every person is different and it may take a while to get the right combination for you. But, don't give up hope.
I can't stress enough the importance of getting on a medication. There is no "cure" for bipolar, there is just management. And I don't mean "just" management. It is a wonderful thing to get on the right formula for you and to feel "normal" again. Not that there won't be some ups and downs-there will be. But they are manageable and you know they're going to level out. For instance, I will feel a depressed mood coming on-I used to panic; thought I was going back to the way I was. I have learned to "ride out" these bouts. They usually last for a couple of days to a week; then I swing back into a more level state. The same goes for a manic phase. The difference is, they're not as severe and they do pass. This probably happens to me about once every two or three months. If it lingers and doesn't leave after a week, I'm on the phone to the doctor and sometimes another tweek in the meds is needed.
I realize that this can sound complicated; it really isn't. Get your diagnosis, start your meds, give them time, if you're not getting results then call the doc. It's all about management. I wish I could tell you that you will be totally cured-you won't. It's a lifetime disorder that you will always have to deal with. It can be managed, but not cured. Knowing that empowers you. You know it can be managed. You know that if it's not being managed, then call your doctor and let him do some adjusting of your medication. Become as informed as you can about it-that too empowers you. Not knowing what's going on in your mind can be very scary-understanding it takes away the fear and gives you the tools to deal with it.
Most of the time the doctor will probably advise counseling. I highly recommend this. Find a really good counselor (ask around, make calls to people who are in counseling, and if you have one you don't feel comfortable with, then find a new one) and keep appointments regularly. They can help you deal with the ups and downs of bipolar. They can be reassuring that what you're feeling is real and give you tools to deal with it.
To sum up, I would want to emphasize most of all, to get treatment. Don't try to fight this on your own. And don't go off of your medication (a mistake often made when one starts to feel a little better)! And most important of all: know that there is hope and there is help. You deserve a happy life in spite of a disorder you may have.
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